When Asked “How do you Sleep at Night?” Big Pharma Lobbyist Replied “Ambien”

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Close up of man in suit's hand stroking is chin

WASHINGTON D.C. – Standing in front of the Lincoln Memorial, reporter Clayton Talbert explains to Big Pharma Lobbyist Trent Broheim that “How do you sleep at night?” is an idiomatic expression which questions one’s moral conscious or lack thereof.

Staring into Honest Abe’s eyes, Broheim responded, “Lobbying is the most American thing an American can do. I’m a patriot. They’ll be writing musicals about guys like me in 200 years. This country is a for-profit enterprise. The founding fathers only used words like ‘life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness’ because to make money you have to be alive, you have to be free, and because money is the key to happiness. You seem smart, why I am explaining this to you?”

When Talbert reminded Broheim about how lobbying has caused politicians to cater to the needs of corporations instead of the people, Broheim smirked and said “Read the Citizens United verdict. Corporations are people! What a great branch, the judicial-fucking A! I named my first kid Scalia after that came in.”

Broheim explained that his clients backed “both horses” in this election because “they didn’t care who won, as long as they pressured Congress to repeal Obamacare and get med prices up.” He said that socialized medicine is a direct threat to Big Pharma, but he has faith that America will continue to make sure that the big do not fail.

“When we bailed the Banks out, I wept because That was the right thing to do. I know because I had a similar experience. I got a Drunk and Disorderly in ’92 and my father called a judge he knew and my case was thrown out. I blew a .2! What a wonderful country we live in.”