BEVERLY HILLS- At a stunning gala, hosted at the recording artist’s sprawling estate, Beyoncé launched another addition to her popular fragrance line, specifically targeting pregnant women like herself: Nauseé. In a statement to the press, Beyoncé did not detail the fragrance, instead the singer draped herself in glittering gold fabric, was lifted by dozens of gold-clad dancers and warbled on an extremely high note for incredibly long time, resulting in a standing ovation from the gathered crowd.
As the very pregnant pop artist was carried away for some much-needed rest, spokeswoman for the new family of fragrances, Yolonda Rank took questions from the press. Fragrance chemists unveiled the bottle, in the shape of a rose gold pregnant belly, and samples were distributed to the gathered crowd.
Not much information was given about the top notes, heart notes or base notes for the new scent, but Rank explained this was all normal; “You may not notice any lingering scent at all. Our chemists have concluded that the most appealing fragrance to any pregnant woman, is a lack of scent. You’ll notice Nauseé is completely scent free. Not even spring water can boast that. We expect our 100-milliliter bottle to retail for $79.99.”
Attendees were also treated to a premier screening of the upcoming Nauseé ad campaign featuring the silhouette of a very pregnant Beyoncé, draped in gauzy fabric. Her voice narrates: “You are not plagued with hemorrhoids and swollen feet, you are angelic. You are not constantly vomiting and sweating, you glisten and burn. You did not just down four burgers with fries, you are feeding your nation, mother unceasing! Festoon yourself in the scent of fierceness, and don’t forget elevate your feet, you know. Take a nap, binge watch a house flip show, send your assistant out for some pickles and chocolate milk. Uggghhh…” The voiceover promptly stops with the silhouette racing for the Eau de toilette to vomit.