WASHINGTON D.C. – Nervous Democrats are taking extreme measures to prevent Donald Trump from picking multiple supreme court nominees that could potentially sway the balance of the judicial body for decades to come. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, liberal icon and oldest member of the court, is to be cryogenically frozen by the governing body to ensure that she retains her seat through a potential eight-year Trump presidency and beyond.
“We’re not taking any chances,” says Democratic senate minority leader Chuck Schumer on Capitol Hill today. “Let’s face, she’s old. By cryogenically preserving the Justice Ginsberg’s soon-to-be lifeless tissue, we can retain all her brilliant gray matter to display for the courts for years to come, only heating her back up perhaps to write a dissenting opinion here or there.”
When asked whether Democrats are just “playing politics” by going with this radical tactic, Chuck Schumer was defiant and combative. “Look, if the Republicans are going to play dirty by blocking President Obama’s nominee to fill Justice Antonin Scalia’s seat, we Democrats can be just as sneaky about these things. Besides, I hear the Republicans are planning to do the same thing to Mitch McConnell, so turnabout’s fair play…”