Denzel Caught by Oscar Stagehands Checking Best Actor Nominee Envelopes for Snafus

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Denzel Washington shrugging

HOLLYWOOD- Revered actor Denzel Washington was caught in a tense, but still effortlessly charming standoff with several Dolby Theater stagehands moments after the 89th Academy Awards Ceremony had concluded. Stagehands claim to have found Washington frantically opening golden envelopes for the category of ‘Best Actor in a Motion Picture,’ but Washington denies the allegations:

“Can’t a man have an innocent look at his fellow nominees just to be sure there wasn’t some bungle? Can’t a man,” He paused for dramatic effect, “satiate his curiosity? Hmm?”

The award for Best Motion Picture infamously was identified incorrectly by presenters Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway as ‘La La Land’ when in fact, ‘Moonlight’ won the award. Stagehands and Academy Award organizers, however, are vehement that no other awards were effected, despite how anyone feels about the legitimacy of Best Actor award winner, Casey Affleck.

The actor has been recently been plagued with allegations of sexual abuse that have tainted his win for many fellow actors and fans. Washington was quick to interject to organizers, “I am the spokesman for the Boys’ & Girls’ Clubs of America, I’m just saying.”

Washington was escorted out of the Dolby Theater with a stern warning, his pride still intact. He was however, overheard trying to bargain with awards organizers for a bump-up in standing: “Should Casey [Affleck] not be able to fulfill his duties as Best Actor, you’re going to want to have a runner up, right?” Washington paused to cough, but it sounded more like he was whispering the words “’Fences,’ available soon on DVD and Blu-Ray’.