DALLAS – It’s celebration time at the Bush household, as George W has finally finished his masterpiece. After months of art lessons, tossed out canvases, and hours spent in the “thinkin” room, the forty third President of the United States of America has a painting worthy of the household fridge. “My family commissioned it from me cause there was a big ol’ empty spot on the fridge where my giraffe drawing used to be,” said George W. Upon completion, the former president stood over his master-work with a big broad smile. He told reporters, “I think it looks pretty purdy, don’t you? And I didn’t even need no cocaine to get it finished, either! Nope, this whole thing came from just me. And my brush. And my paint. And my brain.”
The family echoed W’s enthusiasm. Laura, wife to the former most powerful man in the world, went on record to say that she loved the colors, the strokes he used, and W’s decision to graduate to a thicker oil paint over the beginner’s acrylic set that he had been using. George’s mother, Barbara, was so impressed by her son’s imaginative work that she put a little gold star sticker on his painting apron for the day. “Bob Ross would be very proud of you,” she told her son while squeezing his smiling cheek.
There was one sour puss in the group that did not appreciate George W.’s fine work: his younger brother Jeb. “Pfft, I could have painted that” said Jeb with his arms crossed. George W. retorted back, “Well why didn’t you then? You keep saying you can do what I do even better than me. So why don’t you? Even if I make a terrible mess of it, at least I went out there and did it!” This comment seemed to shut Jeb up (minus a few unintelligible grumbles), and a few minutes later the former Governor of Florida was seen slinking back up to his room with puffy eyes and his fists clenched.