NASA Flooded With Reservations to Inhabit Newly Discovered Planets

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Astronaut floating in the foreground with Earth in the background

TITUSVILLE FL – In an unexpected development, NASA has been working hard trying to convince thousands of exasperated Americans that no, they cannot reserve spots for flights out to the newly discovered TRAPPIST-1 solar system.

NASA reports that mere minutes after their fascinating discovery of 7 Earth-like planets, their phone lines were flooded with reservation requests. Shortly thereafter, nasa.gov and related NASA sites experienced dramatic increases in web traffic, severely taxing the servers. That however, was apparently just the beginning.

“These people seriously want to leave the planet,” Kennedy Space Center liaison Jeffrey Warner said. “It’s crazy. The day after we announced TRAPPIST-1, people have been showing up at all our spots; here, Houston, Jet Propulsion Laboratories, everywhere – and they’re bringing luggage.”

TRAPPIST-1 is some 39 light-years (229 trillion miles) away from Earth and NASA has emphatically told anyone who will listen that their fastest vehicle is nowhere near being capable of light speed. This has not deterred the mobs of people desperate to get off – as one Florida man put it – “this hopelessly doomed, spinning clown car of a planet,” and start fresh.