EAST HANOVER – Product development at Nabisco Headquarters has taken a hit after a disgruntled 7-year-old taste tester publicly divulged the corporation’s newest secret initiative: savory Oreo sandwich cookies. The newest developed flavors include: Flamin’ Hot Nacho, Super-Sour Warheads Lime and Bloomin’ Onion. Nabisco representatives are scrambling to save face after Brittney Alvarez, a New Jersey 1st grader with an axe to grind, took to her YouTube channel “Brittney’s Bites” late yesterday evening to warn consumers of the upcoming snack foods and leak images of the products.
“I had to tell the world they are sooo gross,” said Britney to reporters, after her video went viral, “No one should eat them. They taste like barf.” In her YouTube segments, Brittney samples new products and offers her gut reaction on camera, and her Oreo review garnered her over six thousand views. Brittany taste tested each of the new flavors after giving her viewers a glimpse of the cookies; The Flamin’ Hot Nacho, for instance, was a fire-engine red Oreo covered in spicy dust, and the Super-Sour Warheads Lime cookie was an incandescent green. Neither of these options was a hit for Brittany, however. In her video, she gags on the Flamin’ Hot Oreo, describing it as “really spicy, but with a sweet layer in the middle? So gross,” and spits out the Super-Sour Warheads cookie, saying “There’s a reason you can only eat like, one Warhead. Now I have a whole bag of gross cookies. Bleh.”
To Brittany, the only halfway edible cookie of the collection was the Bloomin’ Onion flavor. Which appeared to have a ‘toasty brown’ color, and the flavor of a deep fried sweet onion. “I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it either. It’s weird.” Brittney’s parents have apologized on her behalf to Nabisco representatives. They are very sorry about leaking corporate secrets, but could not stifle their little girl’s creativity. Nabisco CEO Irene Rosenfeld looks at the leak as a learning experience, “Perhaps Oreo, like Icarus, has flown too close to the sun in terms of palatable cookie flavors.”