Retirement Home Converts to Apartments After Residents Start Working Again

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Sign for Senior Moments UnRetirement living

DURHAM – Almost Heaven retirement home was recently redeveloped into the Senior Moments apartment complex, after all of its residents returned to the workforce.

Many amenities have been dropped, including daily morning prayer and courtyard stroll. Senior resident Kent Reelacks doesn’t miss them. “I got no time to mill around a courtyard staring blankly at other old people,” Reelacks said. “I gotta get my tired keister up and out the door. I got a double shift at Denny’s today.”

Some activities have been changed to meet the needs of ever busy seniors. Therapeutic stretch hour is now core power yoga, and the Arts & Crafts room has a new focus on production and sales. “I made these soup can pencil holders just to pass the time,” said Judy Kraftsworth. “Now I’m selling them on Etsy. Just got a custom order for an owl design. Those hipster kids love the crafts.”

Some seniors are taking online classes to stay marketable. “I’m taking composition to stay on top of current lingo,” said Walmart greeter Dale Toksalott. “I want to stay hip…wait, is it hip, or hip-hop?”

Weekly trips to the mall are now more about checking out the latest trends. “Visible branding is back in fashion,” said Biddy Karan. “So I’m making glitter paint sweatshirts with my designer name: ‘Glam Ma.’”

Despite all of the changes, Bingo Night is still just as popular, only with a much a more competitive edge.