Rick Perry Becomes Secretary of Energy, Says He’ll Eliminate the Position to Save Energy

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Gov. Rick Perry

WASHINGTON – Former Texas Governor Rick Perry said he’s been wanting to dismantle the Department of Energy since 2011, and now he’ll finally have the chance. “I proposed the elimination of that department during the Republican primary debate, back when I couldn’t even remember the name of it,” Perry said.

Perry is a denier of climate change, and sees the Department of Energy role in clean energy research as amounting to government waste. “It’s a waste of energy to keep it,” Perry said. “In fact, I’ll be saving energy just by getting rid of it.” When asked how this will affect his job, Perry responded quizzically, saying he’ll have nothing to do then but waste time.

Perry is still pushing to dismantle the other departments he deems unnecessary, including Commerce and Education. But Wilbur Ross, the newly appointed Commerce Secretary, is having none of that. “Perry can’t just eliminate my department,” Ross said. “Trump promised to pay me well for this job. He can eliminate his own position, if he wants.”

Rick Perry looks forward to being what he calls “the next and the last Secretary of Energy for these great United States of…oops, America.”