BOB’S COMPUTER – Saying that computer user Bob Cornback needs to chill out for a sec, the spinning load-page icon held a press conference today to relay that it’s just the messenger, man.
“I don’t do the processing, I don’t mess with the internet connection, and I certainly don’t desperately try to buy Hamilton tickets off some sketchy site at three in the morning. My only job is to let you know the page hasn’t loaded yet,” said the incensed circle.
Sources confirmed that the technologically illiterate Mr. Cornback had been yelling at his computer screen for several minutes before the load icon issued his press statement. According to reporters, Cornback’s internet browser was littered with tabs of error pages, and that the spinning wheel was actually a sign of progress.
“First off, dude needs to stop clicking me. It won’t make the spinning stop.
Secondly, STOP REFRESHING THE PAGE, YOU’RE ONLY DRAWING THIS OUT. Thirdly, why doesn’t Mr. Cornback blame himself for purchasing the cheapest internet package possible while his other 5 roommates play 5 separate HBO Go accounts simultaneously? Ever stop to consider that, Bob?”
The unfortunate incident brought back memories of the constant abuse received by the flipping hour glass icon on Bob’s computer during the 1990s. Witnesses even suggested that they haven’t seen an animated inanimate icon receive this much vitriol since Clippy the Paperclip tried to help edit Cornback’s overdue essay during his short college tenure.
The spinning load icon went on to say, “Maybe instead of projecting your insecurities onto others, you should try looking in the mirror for once, Bob. Then maybe you’d might find your own life spinning away.”