Study Finds Medicine is the Best Medicine

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PROVIDENCE – It’s a well-known fact in the medicinal community that laughter is of course the best treatment for most of life’s maladies. However, recent findings published in the Rhode Island Scientific Journal are now challenging this popular belief. The findings were documented over the course of a week-long clinical study in which two focus groups were treated using both conventional and pharmaceutic methods.

Both groups housed a variety of conditions and ailments ranging from influenza, to broken bones, to several terminal cases. Each side was approached in the same way – they would first go through group therapy and then later assigned their own doctor for 1-on-1 treatment.

Focus group A, the medicine group, started with a general regiment of Acetaminophen and intravenous therapy for all patients. On the other side, doctors of focus group B brought in hospital pastor Father Bob to read from his always popular joke book: “Knock Knock, It’s Jesus.”

Despite his reputation however, most of the crowd was unresponsive. After several duds Father Bob was forced to go to his A-material. His final joke, “Why are there no coupons in heaven?” (Because only Christ saves), was met with silence so loud you could hear a catheter drip.

On the second day, patients began receiving one-on-one treatment. In focus group A, patients received individual care and were treated with appropriate medications based on their illness. In focus group B, Doctor’s brought in specialist Chuckles the Clown, M.D. to give the patients the individual attention that they need. Once again however, each member of the group rejected their treatment.

“Please god, just let it stop,” said one patient as Chuckles, once again, clumsily tripped over Mrs. Johnson’s ventilator. Doctors reassured the patients that their participation was critical for helping future patients receive the best care. After each person had received a boop on the nose and their own personalized balloon-animal, Chuckles diagnosed each patient with a broken funny bone before being promptly escorted from the room.

By the end of the week, 9 of the 10 member of group A had shown signs of improvement with several being fully cured. Things had taken a turn for the worse in group B however. The final performance by a Carrot Top impersonator seemed to unnerve many of the patients. Some begged the doctors for medication while others made desperate bids for freedom. At the study’s end, doctors concluded that medicine was indeed the best form of treatment but acknowledged that laughter was still effective in some cases. Doctors thanked the participants for their participation and then invited Chuckles in for a final encore.