DEPOE BAY – A truck carrying 7,500 pounds of hagfish, also known as slime eels, crashed on an Oregon coastal highway, sliming unsuspecting motorists who soon demanded answers.
Mary Venkman, one of four drivers slimed in the collision, slipped out of her SUV and began screaming.
“Why is somebody driving down the highway with the slimiest, creepiest creatures I could imagine!?”
Slime eels ooze copious amounts of slime as a defense mechanism, and thousands of them began sliming at once as they wriggled on the hot pavement. Windshield wipers and continuous cleaning fluids were no match for the eels, as entire vehicles were coated in secreted eel goo.
The slithering sea beasts were being transported from the slime eel supplier, Ella’s Eel Kingdom (EEK). The driver of the truck tried to explain that the slime eels were to be shipped to South Korea, where they’re considered a delicacy.
“What?” shouted Venkman. “People eat these wormy things coated in ectoplasm? I don’t believe it. This is an eelspiracy!”
Other onlookers chimed in. “We’re expected to handle creatures from our nightmares, just so rich Koreans can eat slimy sea-snakes? Repulsive!”
Chants started up in protest. “Repeal The Eel Deal!” people shouted, and “Bad Slime Eels Make Bad Time Meals!”
After hearing of the eel-cident, McDonalds announced that their Korean restaurants would be cancelling their McDonald’s Value Eels.