Vanity Fair Announces 2017’s Most Sexually Harassable Young Actors

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Shot behind of actress on the red carpet wearing backless gown.

HOLLYWOOD – Mingled in a photographer’s loft, the most elite of Hollywood’s upper echelon have gathered, dressed in an array of shimmering gowns and posed casually on rustic shipping crates. The occasion? What else? Welcoming in a new generation of actors that had earned Vanity Fair’s coveted title of most sexually harassable stars of 2017.

Those lucky enough to made the cut have been chosen by a secretive all-male panel of directors, film executives and show runners, who prefer to remain anonymous. They judge up-and-comers on things like “willingness to accept private hotel-room dinners”, “ass-grabability”, “no opposition to full-frontal nudity” and “Toots, play your cards right and you could be my next blockbuster lead.”

New sexually harassable stars include Charlize Theron and Gwyneth Paltrow, both of whom shared a forced laugh over similar experiences of being ogled and later propositioned by film producers. Megan Fox was also selected thanks to her candid remarks to British GQ reporters about how many of her esteemed industry heroes made her very uncomfortable on the casting couch. All three inductees politely declined Vanity Fair’s offer of drinks and a ride in their sporty convertible, post shoot.

They joined sexually harassable alums like Susan Sarandon, who regaled the inductees about New York letches who’d touched her inappropriately in her hey-day, and Rose McGowan, who recently came out publicly about her alleged sexual assault from a studio executive. Over 400 past inductees declined to be present to induct the new members. They cited very valid reasons like “I’m just trying to put this behind me,” and “any further communication will be in violation of my restraining order.”

Golden Globe nominated Ashley Judd, who recently came forward about being offered roles by a movie mogul in exchange for sex, was pleased about her induction as of press time. “If all the hard-won harassment I’ve gone through mean I get to pose seductively in an uncomfortable dress with photographers shouting at me to show more ass,” Judd remarked, “then it will all have been worth it.”